postheadericon THE POWER OF ADDICTED LOVE – BEING A CODEPENDENT TO AN ABUSER, DRUG ADDICT, ALCOHOLIC. A story of survival.

The summer sun was bearing down, and her alcoholic and drug-addicted husband had just returned home intoxicated and looking for a fight.

Hoping to keep her four young daughters and a visiting niece safe, Hamilton tried to flee – but her husband wouldn’t have it.

“Here I am outside with half-naked children who had been playing in the pool, and I didn’t know what to do,” Hamilton said. “I was forced to walk with a baby on my hip, a child on my back and three children a mile down the street with bare feet burning on the pavement until I found a payphone.”

In recognition of October’s Domestic Violence Awareness month, Hamilton now hopes to reach the community of Maricopa with her story.
“I live in Maricopa, so why not let the people of Maricopa know?” Hamilton said.

She added, “I know there are more Teresas out there who need help.”

“I don’t care if 10,000 people share one book,” she said.

And finally, she shares about the moment when she decided to leave for good and how she safely made her escape.

Carol Gardner, 72, of Maricopa, and her husband Roger, 77, have known Hamilton for years, but are just now reading her book for the first time.

“She was all alone here and I keep thinking “Oh my goodness, how did she ever make it throughout without losing it?’” Carol Gardner said.

Gardner calls Hamilton “a treasure” and said she has been like a daughter to her, since her own children live in other states. Gardner sheds tears when she talks about Hamilton’s past.

“I hope this book helps the thousands of women who are in bondage situations, because it’s something that can save a lot of women’s lives,” Gardner said.

Marcia Roeder, 50, of Glendale, who is quoted in Hamilton’s book and also has survived an abusive marriage, said she and Hamilton helped one another with the “internal battles” they faced after leaving their abusers.

“There’s always the physical, but the mental is sometimes worse, because they convince you that you asked for it and that you deserve it,” Roeder said.

Despite painful pasts, Roeder is all smiles when she talks about her friend. Roeder described Hamilton as “a magnet that draws you in” and someone who “shares a piece of herself with everything she touches.”

“I admire her strength, her courage – and God – the amount of love she has,” Roeder said. “I hold her in the highest esteem.”

Hamilton is now happily married to a husband who treats her with respect and love. She is retired from a 20-year career as a paralegal and runs her own business called Teresa’s Creative Gifts, which sells quality boutique accessories and gifts. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her four grown daughters and grandchildren and taking cruises around the world.

Author’s Bio: 

My name is Teresa Hamilton and I am in my late 40′s. I live in Arizona. I am married to my best friend Tom and have four beautiful daughters and three granddaughters. Prior to the life I live now, I was married to a drug addict, and alcoholic for fourteen years. The dysfunction and emotional pain took me for the biggest ride of my life. I was able to overcome this pain but it didn’t come without a price. My story is about my personal journey and the struggles I endured while setting my boundaries. It’s a story about self destruction as well as survivorship. We all have the ability to unlock our own emotional cage. Only, I needed the key in order to release myself from my own imprisonment. My story became my mission in finding that key.

postheadericon Relationships – How to Be and Feel More Attractive As A Person

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So after all the clothes, makeup, cars, money and so on where does one go to boost their attractiveness? Well you might ask “Doesn’t that cover everything”? Well haven’t you ever met someone who had all of these yet their “energy” was so negative that you felt repelled by them? If not stay tuned, you will!

Do you know why? Well because so many individual believe that attractiveness is only about those “superficial” factors I mentioned earlier that they never focus on themselves. So what do I mean by this?

What does it mean when a person’s energy is low?

What causes this?

This inherently makes them “energetically unattractive”. Such individuals often find themselves being frustrated by their attempts to cosmetically cover this up because such attempts will never negate the negativity they carry within.

So what is to be done about this if one cannot change one’s past? Well this might seem to be an insurmountable problem if one truly believed this was not possible. In fact it is now possible by erasing one’s negative memories.

What would it mean to achieve the erasure of negative memories from within?

Well it would effectively boost what is called that person’s “vibrational energetic presence” and therefore their attractiveness to others. Another way of saying the same thing is that it boosts their Life Force Energy within their physical body.

You see, it is the Life Force Energy itself which is inherently responsible for one’s attractive energy and qualities. If depleted of this then one’s attractiveness declines in tandem.

Author’s Bio: 

Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Self Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

postheadericon Dear Dr. Romance: I think I have a tendency to lose myself in a relationship

I was wondering if I could ask you for some advice. I’m feeling so troubled.  I got divorced a few years ago. Since then, I became involved with a man more than ten years older than me. I got a work assignment out of town, and he was adamant about keeping a long distance relationship going, but I wasn’t feeling ready. As emotional and hurt as I was from my previous relationship, I didn’t feel it was the right thing to do. So I broke things off and he was very hurt.

I don’t know if this is making sense, but I could really use some expert advice and some reading suggestions for me.

Dear Reader:

It’s completely normal for you to feel like you aren’t sure who you are on your own, if you married so young and just got divorced recently. You need time to be on your own, to figure out what you need to be happy. You won’t be good for anyone else until you have a solid sense of yourself.

Author’s Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.

postheadericon Stop Needy Behaviors And Attract A Healthy Partner

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If you:

And so on, then you have a significant “neediness” problem which has and will continue to plague your relationship life.

The negative memories leave a deep emptiness that many feel can only be filled by others around them. This is the source of the “neediness” i.e. an emptiness that “needs” to be filled in. At the deepest level its about the need to feel loved, wanted, desirable, welcomed, useful, needed, validated, acknowledged, appreciated, accepted and so on.

What has not been recognized is that a) these needs can “never” be met by others and b) can only be sourced from within. So where or what is that “source” you ask?

Well it was discovered a decade ago that negative memories themselves are responsible for generating the feeling of emptiness itself. The emptiness refers to what I have called a “deficiency” of Life Force Energy from the mind/body. A negative memory depletes one’s energy and leaves a feeling of emptiness in its wake.

What has been discovered is that by “erasing” those negative memories Life Force Energy spontaneously returns to and re-integrates itself with the mind/body leaving the individual feeling whole, complete, attractive, adequate, confident, capable, strong, resilient, and so on.

So how does one accomplish this “erasure”? Well, a new coaching process has been developed to do just that. To learn more about it or to request a free introductory telephone/Skype consultation that will begin to help you experience and remember who you were meant to be kindly visit the web site below.

Author’s Bio: 

Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Self Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

postheadericon Living Outside the Box

I was speaking with a client today about his burn-out in his career. This is a man who’s been very successful, earned a lot of money, and worked hard for a big, national corporation. I told him he was burned-out, and on strike, because he had put himself in a box about work. The box consisted of four walls:

Wall #1: I have to make $$$$ amount of money
Wall #2: I have to work for a certain kind of company
Wall #3: I’m scared about letting myself be creative (the unknown)
Wall #4: I hate all of it.

When he put up these walls, he was out of options, and stuck in a terrible place. If he could take down even one of the walls, he could let himself out of the box.

Later in the afternoon, I was speaking with another client about relationships. He wanted to figure out what ‘box’ (his word) a person in his life would fit in—lover, friend, etc. I told him that he couldn’t put another person in a box—the only one he could put in a box was himself—what he was willing to do in the relationship, and what he wasn’t willing to do. And then make sure he set those boundaries for himself and lived up to it.

I frequently see people who are unhappy in their relationships, and feel too stuck to do anything about it. Their boxes usually consist of the following walls:

Wall #1: I’m very unhappy, but I can’t do anything about it
Wall #2: I have to keep this relationship, I won’t find another.
Wall #3: I can’t tell my partner what’s wrong, because he or she would be angry/hurt.
Wall #4: I can’t change what I’m doing without my partner’s consent.

Again, looking at the walls that have you trapped, and letting down even one wall can give you the power you need to make changes, improve your relationship and create a happier life.

What can you do about it?
When one of my clients feels very stressed, stuck and down, I usually suspect they’ve gotten themselves into a box. After they talk for a while, I can frequently hear them delineate the walls that have them trapped. When you find yourself feeling trapped and discouraged, you can get out of it by following these steps:

1. Realize that you’ve mentally boxed yourself in with a series of restrictions that feel real, but are actually fiction masquerading as fact.

2. Become aware of the negative messages you’re telling yourself: If you’re telling yourself things like: “It’s too scary” “I can’t do that because…” “I’m not worth it” “I can’t handle that” “it won’t work;” you’re building and reinforcing walls.

4. Take a step outside the box. Once you see what the mental walls of your box are, and challenge them, you’ll be freed up to try something new, and get out of the box.

Adapted from: It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

Author’s Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.

postheadericon The Law of Attraction- Is It Working For You Or Against You?

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These energies exist qualitatively on a spectrum of negative to positive.

A negative energy is defined as such simply by how it feels and by the impact it has on one’s Life Force Energy.

A simple example is: “I am a failure in life”.

Notice how this feels. Clearly it feels “negative”! Why?

Well because it makes you feel awful and awful about yourself. Those are what anyone would call negative feelings or experiences. What’s more, if you notice what that statement does to your energy you’ll readily see that it is depleted from within you. Well that “energy” just happens to be your Life Force Energy that is being depleted.

Negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, attitudes and perceptions about our reality, others and about ourselves are supported and generated at the subconscious level of our minds by memories of earlier negative experiences we’ve had. These memories are actively generating that veil of negativity you experience and struggle with at a conscious level every day.

That same negative energy is creating what I call a “negative magnetic pole”. Now as most individuals carry memories of disappointments within then they are clearly magnetized to drawing more of the same to themselves.

So how can you get it to work for you?

Well you have to shift your magnetic pole i.e. you have to “erase” all of those negatively stored memories that are within you once and for all. This allows your Life Force Energy to spontaneously re-invigorate your mind and body there by re-establishing your “positive magnetic pole”

Is this possible? Absolutely!

Now there is a powerfully new process that has been scientifically tested in thousands of individual case studies called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP) that can permanently release negative memories, beliefs and feelings. It has been shown to be amazingly 100% effective in doing this.

You can learn more about MRP, by visiting the web link below. There you can request a free MRP telephone/Skype coaching consultation.

Author’s Bio: 

Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Self Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

postheadericon Relationships: Why Are Some Women Emotionally Unavailable?

It’s not uncommon to hear that women want to settle down and that men want to ‘play the field’. And based on this, women want to be in a relationship and men are not bothered about being in one.

This is how men and women are generally portrayed and in some cases, this is going to be true. But, although this may seem to reflect the truth, it is not an absolute truth. There are going to be some women out there who can relate to it and some who can’t, and the same will apply to men.

Finding The One

And just because a woman wants to settle down, it doesn’t mean that this is what takes place. She may find that she can’t seem to find the one or that as soon as she does find someone suitable, something happens and it ends, amongst other things.

Just as there are going be women who don’t want to find the one and are therefore happy to avoid anything too serious. It is not on their mind and if they were to end up in situation where the other person wanted more, there is the chance that they will pull away.

Open Minded

However, even though they’re not looking for a relationship, it doesn’t mean they won’t go further. They could meet someone, realise they want more and be only too happy to end up in a relationship with them.

Emotional Creatures

It would be easy to say that women are like this because they’re ‘emotional creatures’ and that they don’t know what they won’t. This is something that might come out of a man’s mouth and yet, the same thing can happen to men.

Men have emotions just like women and there are going to be times when a man is not looking for a relationship and then ends up in one. Therefore, it has not something that only relates to women, it is something that can happen to both genders. A woman might even use this stereotype and use it as a way to justify her behaviour.

Emotional Control

So while women are often portrayed as having no emotional control, men are often seen as being emotional cut off. But these are largely the result of how men and women have been conditioned and do not reflect the truth.

Women can experience emotional control, just as men can; just as there are women who are emotionally cut off and men who are emotionally out of control. The world is made up of all types of people and there are exceptions when it comes to both genders.

Two Sides

For some women, the desire is going to be there to attract someone for a serious relationship, but that is as far as it will go. It is not so much that they don’t meet people who are suitable; it is that they are unable to let people in.

Just as there will be some women who don’t want anything serious. And it is not that they don’t want anything serious, it is just that this is what feels comfortable. They might be aware of why they can’t let a man get too close to them or they might not.

Perfect Partner

The person or people will appear and there will be something about them that isn’t quite right. In the eyes of others this could be something fairly trivial but in their eyes, it is not something that they can overlook.

However, this person might be someone who ticks all the boxes and is exactly what they’re looking for. But as soon as this person appears, they change their mind.

Unavailable Men

On the other hand, they may come across a man or men who are unavailable and end up feeling attracted to them. This might relate to someone who has a girlfriend or to someone who lives miles away or in another country.

And based on what they are looking for, this person might be suitable or they might be the opposite of what they are looking for. The woman may be confused as to why this is and her friends are also likely to be just as confused.

Not Suitable

A woman could also have a pattern of attracting men that are not her type. She may end up spending time with them, but she doesn’t allow the man to get too close to her. Part of her is held back and the man doesn’t get to connect to her at a deeper level.

This could be someone she just has in her life to take care of certain needs. The man may realise what is taking place or he could be oblivious to it. On one side the women might not be completely happy as she knows he’s not suitable and on the other side, it could be what feels comfortable.

Multiple Partners

Another thing that can happen is that a woman will have more than one man on the go or who she treats as more than just a ‘friend’. These men may only get so close to her and while they might be her type, they might not.

The relationship she has with each of them could be purely sexual in nature and not include feelings. This doesn’t mean her mind won’t be involved, what it does mean is that her heart won’t be.

Emotionally Unavailable

Getting close to a man is going to be something that makes her feel uncomfortable and while this can be the result of what has happened in her adults years, it is likely to relate to what happened during her childhood years. These years would have created an inner model of what it means to get close to another person.

Childhood

For a woman, it is likely to be the experiences she had with her father that created her inner model when it comes to getting close to another person. But, this is not always the case, and it can relate to what her mother was like.

Time Passes

So in the beginning this was an external problem that one had to put up with, and now it is an internal problem that one is putting up with. This is why it won’t matter if ones caregivers live close by or are still alive, as the associations that were formed all those years ago have remained within them.

How one felt all those years ago is likely to have stayed trapped in their body. And when they get close to someone, these feelings will end up being triggered and one will pull away. If one is not aware of what is taking place, they’re likely to project their feelings onto the other person.

Round In Circles

Pulling away or keeping people at a distance might allow them to feel better for a short while, but it won’t really change anything. And this is because their feelings are only being triggered by others and are not caused by them

If one is out of touch with how they feel and when they first had these feelings, it is to be expected that they will see other people as being the problem. The mind can forget the past, but the body doesn’t.

Awareness

What this shows is that one is still emotionally connected to their caregiver/s and that they still need to break away. This is often described as the psychological birth and is something that needs to happen in order for one become emotionally separate.

If how one felt all those years ago has remained trapped in their body, then it will need to be released. And as these emotional experiences are processed and integrated, a woman will start to feel that it is safe for her to open her heart. The assistance of a therapist or healer may be required here.

Author’s Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

postheadericon Are You Relationship Ready? Take the Test & Find Out

Have you ever wondered whether you are ready for a healthy relationship? Do you want to find out how ready you are? Do you want to find out what underlying emotional barriers might be standing in your way? If so then take this simple test now.

As you read through the following list notice and rate on a scale of 0 to 10 ( where 0= absolutely no negative reaction and 10 = a very intense negative reaction) the intensity of the negative emotional reaction you get to any of the following. A total cumulative score for all items greater than Zero means that there is still work to be done. Any and all that apply would be important goals for further work.

Now although some of these may sound counter intuitive I have found in hundreds of cases coaching individuals in relationship success that they are all worth growing past.

There is now a new and revolutionary coaching modality that can help you quickly and easily begin to remedy these issues. To learn more about it kindly visit the web site below where you can also request a free introductory telephone/Skype coaching consultation that will help you get started.

Author’s Bio: 

Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Self Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

postheadericon “Why Did He Ask To Delete My Number?”

Dear Lorraine,

I met a guy a year ago. We dated weekly for 2 months. Our dates were fun and passionate.

Then after that he started asking me out on dates every couple weeks or so for the next 4 months. The dates were still very passionate and so much fun.

After a few weeks, I started to miss him and I texted him to say hello. He responded immediately and we texted for a few days. And we got together again a couple times.
All I felt was a moment of amazing pleasure with a man I liked but was left with sadness after. I finally told him that I had something to say to him…
Me: “I don’t want to do this anymore purely sexual relationship. I’ve never been involved in one and it’s not what I’m looking for”.
Him: “I can understand. Thanks for being honest. I think you’re an amazing woman. Hope you find what you need”.
Me: “thank you”
Him: “I think it’s best that I delete your number so I won’t get tempted to contact you, ok”.”
Me: “ok. It’s too bad we can’t stay friends.”
Him: “I’ll always be your friend but I know when I get horny, I will try and hook up with you and I don’t want to do that if it upsets you.”
I didn’t respond after that. I didn’t know what to say. I was so sad even though I knew that is what he wanted.
I just don’t know why he had to ask me if it was ok to delete my number or even say what he did?
I wish I could have responded differently but I can’t change what has happened. Please give me your advice. I just want some clarification and hope this helps me move on.
Thank you.

Edna

Dear Edna,
First of all, I want to applaud you for taking the initiative to attain a better understanding of the male psyche and starting down the path of taking control of your love life. I realize that it isn’t easy to reach out for help when it comes to relationships.
Now about your question, “why did he ask me if it was ok to delete my number? Couldn’t he just do it without having to ask?”

They know they wouldn’t get very far approaching most women this way. This is why some men are less than forth coming about their true intention when just looking for casual sex.

So in the beginning, he may take you on a few “legitimate” dates and may even go so far as to infer that he is entertaining the possibility of something long term, knowing from the very beginning all he wants is a casual “roll in the hay”

Here’s the reality, men understand the ramifications of simply dropping a woman “cold turkey” when they are ready to move on. They realize, that saying something to the effect of “Hey, I had a lot of fun and you’re great, but I’m not interested in anything more than sex” probably wouldn’t sit well with most women.

So to avoid the emotional and often unpleasant reaction that often accompanies the prospect of the relationship not turning out the way a woman expected, certain men have learned how to extract themselves from the relationship with the least amount of drama, through the technique of “weaning” themselves from the relationship.

Why did he ask you if it was okay if he deleted your number instead of just removing your number without informing you? Simply put, your confronting him gave him the opportunity to come clean about his true motives for dating you. Once you let him know you wanted something more, that was his queue to detach himself completely from his involvement with you. It allowed him to clear up any misperception on your part that he was interested in anything more. It also allowed him to expedite the process of extracting himself from his involvement with you.

Although it may not feel like it right now, he did you a favor by not continuing to string you along. Whether you realize it or not, there was also a part of you that didn’t want to continue to be strung along either, which is why you confronted him about where you stood in the relationship in the first place. On a subconscious level, you weren’t willing to tolerate being compromised either. Good for you!

The truth is, had you not confronted him and not insisted upon an answer, he probably would have either continued to exploit his involvement with you knowing you wanted more; or he simply may have gone ahead and deleted your number unbeknownst to you, figuring that at some point you would get the message.

His response understandably took you aback. It caught you totally off guard because it wasn’t the answer you were hoping for. You didn’t expect him to be so direct, especially when he seemed to be so into you at the beginning of your relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with men finding women sexually desirable. We want to be desired by men. However, when you’re ready to cultivate a long term relationship with a man, there is a right and wrong way to date.

Looking back, it’s obvious that this guy had a strategy in place before you and he started dating you. That’s why it is critical women learn an effective strategy for establishing the type of relationship they truly desire. By implementing a process that allows you to date for the purpose of finding your true mate, you will no longer fall victim to men whose intentions are less than sincere or not aligned with yours.

Committed to helping you discover your path to true love,
Lorraine

Author’s Bio: 

postheadericon Dating in the Digital Age

Be Authentic

This doesn’t mean you should abandon any sense of compromise or interest in another’s pursuits. But it does mean you need to be your genuine self and not be worried about what your date will think. After all, if he doesn’t like your genuine self, then it’s time to move on. You will not have wasted a lot of time presenting a faux image of yourself only to find, when your real self comes forward, that you were not made for each other.

Don’t Accept Less

Show Restraint

Likewise with sex. Make it an event to look forward to, not something that’s automatic and inevitable. Back in the heyday of hippies and the advent of the Pill, women sometimes felt they were obligated to have sex without much preamble. But it wasn’t true then and it isn’t true now. Sex should be a joyous occasion for both of you. Get to know each other physically, but only when the time is right.