Relationship Pipe-Line

You have done it all. You have tried meeting your prince charming through your friends but you were not very successful. You have tried looking for him at your work place -that too did not happen. You have tried meeting at clubs, your local tennis club, but nothing seems to be working. Well, it …

You’re excited and relieved — yet also wary. You wonder if this new relationship is a go? Your doubts are not unfounded. After all, 67% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail as well.

But, as I mentioned in my first article in this series, these statistics are for lots of women in general and in all different kinds of circumstances that might not apply to you.

Here are some of the top questions you should ask yourself.

My advice comes from my research and work with thousands of women.

Question #1. Am I repeating my old mistakes — or over-correcting them?

It’s important to assess your man to see if he is relationship material, but it’s equally important to keep your eyes on your pattern of relating. Look at the picture below of the ‘bones’ of intimate relationships.

Question #2. How much do I mistrust love?

Even if your spouse was not good for you, it’s possible that you had a good sex life. In my research, about 20% of women said that sex was the emotional glue that held their relationship together.

So, it’s possible that your new love disappoints you.

The good news is this problem is usually fixable. Play sexual school with your partner. Begin with you being the student. Touch your partner, or try different positions, and ask him to teach you what he likes. Reverse the roles. Showing works better than telling. Words can be received as criticism.

However, you might say, “I love making love with you. Let’s try something I was thinking about (fill in the blank).” Take turns.

Question #4. Am I hesitating to ‘be me’?

Tell your partner about your fears of being you. And ask him if he is withholding things about him from you. You both might feel relieved — and closer.

Talk with your partner about what annoys each of you about the other. For example, the most common issues are neatness, tardiness, manners, temper and television shows. Get solution-focused. You could each pick an annoying habit that you believe is easy to alter.

Question #6. Are you having difficulty dealing with each others’ friends? 

It’s likely that you value and love the friends who got you through your tough times — even if some of them are not so easy to be with. Tell your man that he doesn’t have to love your friends as you do. But you will respect his friendships and that you expect him to do the same for yours.

Discuss how to handle those knee-jerk reactions and dislikes. Be empathic about how difficult it can be to adjust to your new life and choice of partner. Tell them how much you still trust them to give you sound and caring feedback.

Your parents’ reactions might be similar to your friends’ reactions to your new man. Your parents might either welcome your new man, who they consider to be a vast improvement over your ex. Or, they might miss your ex’s charm or abilities. They might even openly compare the two men and let you know how much they miss your ex.

Work out issues with your partner such as whether it is okay for you each to discipline the others’ children. Practice respecting and balancing each others’ private time with one’s own children and time with all the children. There’s no magic formula — as long as flexibility and loving attitudes are part of the solution.

I wish you luck! Please tell me your story about how you solved a similar problem. It will help others.

One of the biggest downfalls of dating is the fear of rejection. We put time and effort into making ours appearances look good, we sharpen our image further with a nice outfit and we bring to the table our charm in order to make that good first impression. Unfortunately despite all that effort …

Just because someone is available at one point in time, it doesn’t mean that they will continue to be available. There is the chance that they will continue to be around or everything could change, and they may be extremely hard to get hold of.

However, without even going into how much someone can change, it is to be expected that they will not always have the same amount of time available to see other people. But, if someone is available one minute and then unavailable the next, it is naturally going to make one wonder what is going on.

Confusion

For example, if this is a relationship that is going really well and then of all of a sudden, the other person says they are too busy, one might end fearing the worst. And based on how they have been getting on so far, it might come as a shock when the other person says they are too busy.

If this is a relationship that is not going well, then one might come to the conclusion that the other person doesn’t want to see them anymore. This conclusion would be normal; especially if the relationship is no longer working or if there is some kind of conflict taking place.

Relationships

The Bigger picture

But whether it relates to an intimate relationship, a more casual set up or to friends or family; it is going to be important to look at the relationship in general. To form an opinion based on one thing that has happened is not always the best approach.

In today’s world, people are busier than ever before and so there is always the chance that someone is busy and that it doesn’t mean anything. It then wouldn’t matter who the other person was, as they would still be busy.

What this means is that one will have to look at the bigger picture and to reflect on what has been happening between them. They might begin to see a pattern emerge or they might just end up seeing things that are not there; so it will be important to keep an open mind and not to rush to any conclusions.

Unavailable

But if someone is available one minute and then they soon become unavailable and there doesn’t seem to be a legitimate reason for this change in behaviour, then it might be a sign that something has changed.

In life, people usually find time for what matters. So if someone is too busy it could mean that their interests have changed and that one is not as important to them as they once were.

Behind The Word

On one side then, it could be the truth and on the other side, it could be nothing more than a cover up. Using the word ’busy’ allows them hide what is actually going on and this could do more harm than good.

They might believe that if they tell the truth, it might upset the other person. But the longer they keep the other person around, the more harm they are going to cause them. Or maybe they are in two minds and don’t know whether to keep one around or to let them go.

A Pattern

If one has a pattern of attracting people who are always busy, then it might be a sign that they have some inner work to do. And even if this only happens every now and then but causes one to have a strong emotional reaction, even when the other person is not making any excuses, it is going to mean that they also need to look within.

When someone hears this it could cause them to feel: abandoned, rejected, powerless, hopeless and worthless. This is going to mean that one is used to not having their wants and needs met by others.

Childhood

One may have had a childhood where their caregivers were often unavailable and unable to meet their wants and needs on a consistent basis. So what is taking place in their adult years can then feel normal.

And even though this would have created a lot of pain, it would have been associated as familiar and therefore safe by their ego mind. This is the reason why one has continued to re-create the same experiences in their adult life.

If one doesn’t feel safe with something at a deeper level, it is not going to be possible for them to attract it into their life. What feels safe is what is familiar and not what is healthy or functional.

Awareness

The emotional pain of these earlier years will have stayed trapped in one’s body and will need to be released. And as this happens, one will no longer re-create the same experiences. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Are you totally baffled as to why you only seem to attract men who are far from ideal for you? Are you tired of ending up with men who aren’t ready for the same type of relationship you want?

1. You Believe you’ll “Just Know” When You Meet The Right Guy
Because we’ve been programmed to believe that we can tell whether or not a guy is right for us based on the way he makes us feel, many women fail to take many other aspects of his character into account when determining if a guy would make a good mate for them.

Although being physically attracted to and enjoying the companionship of a man should definitely be part of the equation, intense chemistry itself shouldn’t be your only reason for choosing to be in a long-term relationship.

While it’s true that infatuation can be the beginning stage of love, and is the first indication that true love could be possible with a particular person, other essential criteria should be considered to determine if a healthy long-term commitment is possible.

Unfortunately, buying into this way of thinking not only causes women to all too often latch onto the first guy who shows the slightest interest and often settling for a man who’s more trouble than his worth; subscribing to the notion that good men are few and far between also causes women to spend way too much time trying to make a relationship work with the wrong guy.

3. You’ve Bought Into The Myth That “All Men Are Dogs”
While believing this stereotype may also provide some temporary comfort regarding your dilemma to land a good man, keep in mind that in order to attract what you really desire, your thoughts need to be consistent with your intentions.

If your intention (to attract a good man) is in direct conflict with what you believe, (that all men only want one thing) for example, then what you believe will actually repel your desire.

Furthermore, it’s important to understand that viewing all men negatively will adversely affect the way you interact with them.

Okay, yes I realize that there are guys who are only after one thing or have ulterior motives for getting involved with women; but the fact is, there are also plenty of great men out there who are genuine, and also looking for something more meaningful than an occasional roll in the hay.

4. You Believe You Can Make A Man with Potential into What You Want”
Buying into this belief often causes women to invest a lot of time and effort in the hopes that with enough support and reassurance, he’ll become the man she really wants him to be.

While there’s nothing wrong with being encouraging and supportive, you want to be careful not to take on the responsibility of getting a man to live up to his potential. That’s his job!

The truth is, trying to make a man into the kind of guy you want is like trying to make an old truck into a luxury car. No matter how much time, effort and money you put into overhauling that old, beat up Ford pickup, it’ll never be a Mercedes Benz.

Subsequently, if you have to put an incessant amount of time and effort into making a guy into a suitable mate, he’s not the right guy for you.

Are you coming off a bad relationship? Are you still feeling the emotional wounds from your ex? Do you have old deeply buried wounds from previously failed relationships? Well if you’ve answered yes to any one of these then I can guarantee that these scars will, whether you like it or not, …

Do you know this immaturity stems from early childhood experiences in which the Authentic Self was not allowed to exist and fully express itself instead was forced to go under ground, out of fear, as the individual chose to take on the role of “false selves” in an attempt to survive in an uninviting, unloving environment?

Finally do you know that it is now possible to permanently shed old immature and inauthentic relationship patterns and start having genuine healthy and mature relationships? Want to learn more?

In the process, she/he also surrenders their association with his/her true Authentic Self and the latter sort of goes “underground” often never to be recovered again. This causes the individual to literally sacrifice it’s true self and to assume a conditioned, scripted, “false self” who is supposedly more acceptable and lovable to others.

Indeed, the “part” of themselves that is missing is their “essence” or “core self”.

I have referred to this essence as one’s Life Force Energy or LFE. Each time an individual experiences a negative or traumatic event (i.e. one that attempts to negate or invalidate their true self) this causes them to “die” a little bit. Another way of saying this is that it causes some of their LFE to become depleted from their mind/body.

The imposed expectations I noted above are examples of the traumatic invalidations I just referred to. As the person “leaves” their mind/body the socially imposed expectations take over much like a scripted (computer) program and takes over the person’s empty shell of a body/mind.

In other words the person’s mind/body and life have effectively become hijacked while the person themselves is absent and no where to be found. This is what accounts for the deep feelings of immaturity, inadequacy, and incompetence when it comes to having a fulfilling life and healthy satisfying relationships.

So is there a way to restore this situation to its normal and natural state? Absolutely!

One must effectively help the LFE to re-integrate with the mind/body that it was supposed to reside within. In other words one must restore the person to wholeness and hence also into a fully alive and living, functional, human being. So how is this accomplished?

Well, by systematically deleting the storehouse of pre-programmed socially imposed expectations that have inhabited the mind/body. As this is done the person’s LFE progressively and irreversibly returns to and re-integrates with the mind/body leaving them feeling like the Authentic Human Self they were always meant to be.

To learn more about a new coaching process that helps individuals achieve this re-integration kindly visit the web site below where you can also request a free introductory telephone/Skype coaching consultation that will begin to help take you there today.

1. Being too needy.

2. Being too controlling.

3. Being too dependent.

4. Being too passive.

5. Being too aggressive.

6. Needing too much attention.

7. Being too afraid to make your own decisions.

8. Being unable to say no when it’s required.

9. Having extra marital affairs.

10. Attracting the wrong kind of partner.

11. Being attracted to the wrong kind of partner.

12. Trying to rescue your partner.

13. Needing validation from your partner.

14. Not being discerning about your choice in partner.

15. Using sex as a way of choosing your partner.

16. Being unable to be honest and open and so on.

It’s interesting how they keep repeating themselves only to be discovered after the fact or not at all.

Where do they come from, why are they inside you and what can you do to get rid of them once and for all?

Well believe it or not they became conditioned or imprinted inside you as a result of your early life experience. They are stored deep in the mind/body as relational habits that most therapies are challenged to unearth.

The reason they continue to remain inside you is because they have come to form what you call your personality. Most therapists believe that personality characteristics are difficult if not impossible to change.

Well with that kind of belief where does that leave you other than stuck with what you’ve got?

Well there is a way to become permanently free of this conditioning.

The conditioning is anchored inside you by deep beliefs that you hold unconsciously. A new modality called the Mind Resonance Process (MRP) has the ability to quickly and easily release these beliefs so that you can then release the offending habit.

When this happens you are left feeling free, unstuck, more aware of all the decisions that you make and with the ability to be in charge of your behavioral choices in ways that you never thought possible before.

This means that you will essentially be growing into a capable and mature adult who is ready for a healthy relationship that will be resilient and fulfilling.

To learn more about MRP or to arrange an introductory consultation kindly visit the web link below.

Are you totally baffled as to why you only seem to attract men who are far from ideal for you? Are you tired of ending up with men who aren’t ready for the same type of relationship you want?

Before you give up on the possibility of ever meeting guys who truly measure up and want what you desire in a relationship, you may want to take a look at how these 4 myths may be adversely affecting your ability to find “Mr. Right”.

1. You Believe you’ll “Just Know” When You Meet The Right Guy
Because we’ve been programmed to believe that we can tell whether or not a guy is right for us based on the way he makes us feel, many women fail to take many other aspects of his character into account when determining if a guy would make a good mate for them.

Although being physically attracted to and enjoying the companionship of a man should definitely be part of the equation, intense chemistry itself shouldn’t be your only reason for choosing to be in a long-term relationship.

While it’s true that infatuation can be the beginning stage of love, and is the first indication that true love could be possible with a particular person, other essential criteria should be considered to determine if a healthy long-term commitment is possible.

Unfortunately, buying into this way of thinking not only causes women to all too often latch onto the first guy who shows the slightest interest and often settling for a man who’s more trouble than his worth; subscribing to the notion that good men are few and far between also causes women to spend way too much time trying to make a relationship work with the wrong guy.

3. You’ve Bought Into The Myth That “All Men Are Dogs”
While believing this stereotype may also provide some temporary comfort regarding your dilemma to land a good man, keep in mind that in order to attract what you really desire, your thoughts need to be consistent with your intentions.

If your intention (to attract a good man) is in direct conflict with what you believe, (that all men only want one thing) for example, then what you believe will actually repel your desire.

Furthermore, it’s important to understand that viewing all men negatively will adversely affect the way you interact with them.

Okay, yes I realize that there are guys who are only after one thing or have ulterior motives for getting involved with women; but the fact is, there are also plenty of great men out there who are genuine, and also looking for something more meaningful than an occasional roll in the hay.

4. You Believe You Can Make A Man with Potential into What You Want”
Buying into this belief often causes women to invest a lot of time and effort in the hopes that with enough support and reassurance, he’ll become the man she really wants him to be.

While there’s nothing wrong with being encouraging and supportive, you want to be careful not to take on the responsibility of getting a man to live up to his potential. That’s his job!

The truth is, trying to make a man into the kind of guy you want is like trying to make an old truck into a luxury car. No matter how much time, effort and money you put into overhauling that old, beat up Ford pickup, it’ll never be a Mercedes Benz.

Subsequently, if you have to put an incessant amount of time and effort into making a guy into a suitable mate, he’s not the right guy for you.